Losing Breath Alternative Version
by Darker Side of Writing
Summary: Kaoru watched his brother flinch. He was in so much pain and it was simply because of a class. Why had they allowed Haruhi to talk them into taking a psychology class? All this talk of disorders and fears only brought up all those painful memories. It reminded the twins of why their birth father was no longer in the picture. AU. One-shot.


Kaoru watched his brother flinch. He was in so much pain and it was simply because of a class. Why had they allowed Haruhi to talk them into taking a psychology class? All this talk of disorders and fears only brought up all those painful memories. It reminded the twins of why their birth father was no longer in the picture.

_**~Losing Breath~**_

Hikaru clutched onto his brother tighter as he slept in peaceful silence. Yet again, something had scared the younger twin and he had come running from his room to Hikaru's. The older had, of course, welcomed Kaoru with open arms. Hikaru loved Kaoru, probably more than a brother should, and would never deny him.

He closed his amber eyes and let his muscles relax. Hikaru listened to the slow, even breath of his little brother. He smelled the chocolate candy on Kaoru's breath and the sweet scent lavender from their shampoo. Soft skin brushed against his as he ran his hands up and down Kaoru's thin arms, feeling the goosebumps disappear. Hikaru could feel the soft beat of a sleeping heart through two layers of thin silk pajama shirts.

It was all so sweet and innocent. All so beautiful. All of it was simply Kaoru.

At the creaking sound of a door, Hikaru's eyes shot open. Heavy footsteps alerted him of an approaching body. The elder twin pushed his brother to the small gap between the bed and the wall waking him.

Hikaru motioned for Kaoru to stay silent right before a large hand grabbed his shoulder and slammed him onto his back. This brought him face-to-face with a man that looked so much like himself and his brother. Fear filled his stomach, shooting adrenaline through his veins.

"Which one are you?" The man asked.

"Does—does it matter father?" Hikaru cursed himself for stuttering.

"No." He moved to where either of his hands were on the sides of his son's head, knees on either sides of his body. "Beautiful," he whispered, cupping Hikaru's face. "Young and beautiful."

Hikaru's nails dug through his gold sheets an into the palms of his hands. He bit down on his lip so hard that blood filled his mouth, a salty metallic flavor that left a horrible taste in his throat. He did everything in his power to keep from screaming in agony. Anything that would keep Kaoru silent and stop him from receiving the same faith. Protecting his little brother was the only concern in Hikaru's mind. Even his own well-being took a backseat for Kaoru's.

_'Protecting my brother from this monster is the only think I could ever do to show him how deep my love for him is,'_ was the last thought that crossed his mind before he lost consciousness from the pain.

_**~Losing Breath~**_

With a sigh, Kaoru pushed back the horrible images of seeing his brother raped by the man he'd been programmed to love. At such a young age he'd seen his twin, he best friend, put through so much pain all in an attempt to protect him. It made Kaoru feel tremendously guilty. That was why he had grown up so fast. Hikaru had put up with so much in order to protect him, now was Kaoru's turn to protect Hikaru from being hurt further.

Sadly, too late, Kaoru had realized Hikaru's feelings. He loved Hikaru, but a different kind of love than family. The younger of the Hitachiin wished he could tell Hikaru he felt the same, but it was far too late for any realization such as that.

"When I finally realized the reason you pushed me aside, and that I feel the same, I can't do anything about it. I look too much like _him _and that would cause you so much pain, to be close to me like that," Kaoru watched his brother twitching with pain as memories of his horrible childhood filled his mind.

It made Kaoru sick to his his strong big brother reduced to this.

"Hika, it's my job to protect you now," he whispered. "I know you can't love me anymore, so I will protect you the best I can."

_**~Losing Breath~**_

"Kaoru, we have class," Hikaru said. His voice was even, emotionless. He found it easier this way. If he let the memories escape, then they would overwhelm him and he would break down. He'd go into fits of insanity that would no doubt get him taken away from Kaoru, the only reason he was still alive this long.

What he couldn't understand, though, is why Kaoru was dragging him away from their classroom. After their psychology class has ended—Hikaru wasn't sure why he'd agreed to take it—Kaoru had grabbed his arm and pulled him out the building and towards the maze beside the school.

"I don't care," was Kaoru's answer whenever Hikaru tried to ask something. So, he stopped asking.

As he was pulled further into the maze of hedges, he noted that the flowers were blooming. They were beautiful. They reminded Hikaru of happier times. Of times when himself, his brother, and mother had visited an amazing, out-of-the-way garden just outside the city of Japan. Kaoru had loved it. He'd played in the fallen petals under the sakura, soft pink petals in his hair. He'd smiled, one of his baby teeth missing, at Hikaru.

"_Come and play with me!" _He had called. But Hikaru couldn't find it in himself to move. Watching his beautiful little brother was more fun that playing in sakura petals.

Hikaru's eyes wondered to his brother at the thought. Kaoru had grown as beautiful as expected. His body was lithe with the lightest of muscle. The determination in his eyes made Hikaru smile. His twin's hair was shiny, unlike Hikaru's who's was more dull. There were sakura petals in Kaoru's hair.

Hikaru stopped, pulling Kaoru to a hult with him. His twin looked back with a questioning glaze. The elder didn't say anything as he leaned closer and brushed the petals from Kaoru's hair, taking time to run his fingers through the soft auburn hair, enjoying it while he could.

What Hikaru didn't expect was when Kaoru leaned forward and pressed their lips together. The younger one grabbed the back of Hikaru's neck, enabling him from moving anywhere. Hikaru's hazel eyes widened before he allowed them to close, just enjoying the closeness before Kaoru realized how insane this was.

"I'm sorry," Kaoru whispered once he'd finally pulled away. "I just...You looked so sad. So, so, so lonely. I couldn't just do nothing with that lost looking in your eyes Hikaru."

"It's fine Kao," Hikaru said. He pulled his arm from his brother's grip, feeling as if his breath had been beaten out of him. "I didn't mind it. We should get to class." He turned around and started following the maze back to the school building.

"Hika, I never got to say thank you," Kaoru finally called right before Hikaru turned the corner. "You were always trying to protect me when we were little. I know you were scared Hika. I was scared too, more scared than anything in the world. I didn't know what to do. Hikaru, I'm going to protect you from now on. I know I'll never be able to stand by your side the way I want, because I look like _him_, but I'll protect you. You don't need to protect me anymore."

A cold laugh found it's way out of Hikaru's mouth. "Kaoru, I will always protect you. I'm your big brother, it's my job." He turned, making his way back to stand in front of his brother until they were nose-to-nose. "And don't ever say you like like _him_ because you don't. You are so much more beautiful that him Kaoru. You have a sense of _right _and _wrong_. But, the biggest difference is that _him_, I hate. You? You Kaoru? Well, I love you."

"Me?"

Hikaru nodded, leaning down and kissing him softly. "I do, and don't forget it."

* * *

**This is the first version of a horror fic I wrote for a contest. This one had fluff though so I had to rewrite it. If you liked this alternative version, check out the other one, it's just as good.**


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